If I Get Typhoid, This Will Be the Reason Why

Today was a hard day.  It didn’t start out that way, though. In fact, it started out lovely.

I found out yesterday afternoon that one of the Laotian fellows lives in my apartment complex, so instead of trying to find my way to the conference room at the hospital this morning, I just asked if I could meet her in front of our building. In the US, that might be considered a little clingy, but not in Asia. In fact, the Thai are very concerned and even pity you when you are alone.

This becomes significant because yesterday, I found out that I have about six more vacation days than I bargained on. Next Monday is the Thai King’s birthday and the following week is Thai New Year. I was taking suggestions on what to do with my free time and before I knew it, my attending was telling this very same fellow to take me to Laos. I realized later that she is FROM Laos, so it’s a little less weird, but can you imagine your attending in the US being all, “I need you to use your week vacation to take this other international student to your home country and show her around. Oh, and make sure that she gets a visa.”

Umm…no. Obviously, I told her that she doesn’t have to take me Laos (unless she is going anyway…and then it’s not weird…right?). I'm still not sure on the plan.

Anyway, I digress.

We walked over to the hospital this morning, and I was delighted to find out that it was outpatient clinic day! You guys, I hate rounds. English, Thai, adult, pediatric, air conditioning, no air conditioning. It really doesn't matter what the circumstances are. I just hate them. Good thing I don't plan to be a hospitalist. 

My attending in the pink shirt; Laotian fellow in the white, printed shirt. We saw patients right there in this little office.

Waiting room to see the doctors. Plus, unintentional shot of the other Laotian fellow who has to babysit me/maybe take me on vacation in the printed dress in the forefront!

Then, even though I was already having an awesome day, my attending sent me home at noon to “go explore and live life.” I decided immediately that I was going to get a Thai massage.

I ate at the hospital before going to "live life." This cost me 25 bhat (77 cents).

Like in the US, cafeteria food is subpar, but they have a captive market and never want for business.

I found a website for an English-speaking massage place, but it was on the other side of town. This would involve getting a taxi, having the taxi figure out where this place is, and then actually getting there. So instead, I went to the landlady of my apartment and asked if there were any places around here. She sent me to a beauty salon “in the square,” which didn’t really make sense and long story short, I walked around for 15-20 minutes and didn’t find this place. I did walk into what I thought was the right beauty salon, asked if they did Thai massage, and had the owner curtly reply, “No.” The rest of the salon erupted in laughter as I left.

The joys of being a stupid American.

Dejected, I came back home and tried to think of what to do. I hate (HATE) having to ask for help, and the American missionaries that I know here have been using every evening they have to shuttle me around to get food, to go to Tesco, to buy a phone, etc. I didn’t want to call and ask them where to go, lest they volunteer their time again, for a DEFINITEY non-urgent need. I called the international medicine coordinator instead.

I actually called under the guise of, “Hey, how should I spend my afternoon?” and worked the massage into the conversation.

“Oh, you want massage?,” she asked. “I’ll schedule and call back.”

So, five minutes later, she called back and told me to walk over to her office. Then, she proceeded to take me to the university’s physical therapy and Thai massage place. Score!

You guys, it was awesome.

Like, never had my body stretched and cracked and massaged like that EVER. I even upgraded to the aromatherapy massage for 50 extra bhat, bringing my 60 minute full body massage to a whopping $7.69. The only real question here is how I’m going to find a non-sketchy way to have her schedule one of these massages every day.

Feeling brave, I tackled my afternoon tasks knowing the inherent risks of being laughed at/not getting stuff done, but riding high on my victory massage. First, I had to put minutes on my Thai phone at 7/11. I was vaguely sure on what to do (hand the cashier 100 or 200 bhat) and the phone, tell her “Dtac Happy” (the name of the cell service) and have her add minutes. Well, the cashier was the same one I had two days ago who knows that I don’t speak Thai. She looks like a student at the university and she took pity. She kept explaining to me what she was doing in Thai and showing me which buttons to push on the keypad. And, I did it!

Deciding I needed a reward for my bravery and success, I went back to the same English-speaking tea shop from yesterday to get some bubble tea.

Watermelon smoothie from last night.

The English-speaking smoothie and tea place also sells cupcakes and pastries.

BUT! They discontinued the bubbles. (Who wants tea WITHOUT bubbles?)

And, that’s when I made a command decision, you guys.

I was NOT going back to my room sad and thirsty! I was NOT going to pout about the one English-speaking place not having bubble tea in freaking Thailand and I was going to walk over the (clearly non-English speaking) roadside stand, figure out a way to order in Thai, and get me my bubble tea fix!

It was more of a pointing and gesturing kind of thing, but I did well enough for the lady to ask, “Oh, tea?” and hold up the right sized cup. Then, she listed the flavors in broken English and when I asked what she recommended, she misunderstood and brought out all of the powders for the teas. I pointed at a green one, hoping it was green tea, but when I watched some very dark green frozen stuff go in, I was wondering if I had made the wrong decision. DID I JUST ORDER A SEAWEED BUBBLE TEA? (Spoiler: I did not. It was green tea. I have no idea what the frozen stuff was. Let’s just pretend it was LOVE.)

What flavor are you? I don't speak Thai!

"I want "THAT ONE" (*pointing*)"

I also discovered that her storefront is really her HOUSEfront and about 10 feet away, her little girl was watching TV in their living room. That made me want to buy from her even more than the fact that her bubble tea was half the price of the English-speaking tourist place.

Yes, you are looking into her house/roadside stand.

Now that I’ve established friendship with her, at least I know I can get my bubble tea fix there.  And who knows, I might even try other things eventually! I saw ice cream-like toppings in her stand...can't wait to find out what they go on!